Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
