Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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