all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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