she looked like the before picture.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am naked and annoyed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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