why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
