brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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