It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
