Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
