so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize