My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
