Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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