He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
