I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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