I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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