I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
