I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
