the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
