I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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