In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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