Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
