Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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