: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
