Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
