last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
