i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize