i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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