I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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