Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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