i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
