The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
