I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
