I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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