Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
