I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
