Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
