Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
