Small penises have feelings too.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
