i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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