Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
