My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
