Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize