My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
one two three fourrrrnication!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
