Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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