He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
His nipple licking is glorious
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