I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
