chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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