I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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