She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
