You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
