Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
