When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
