i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
