my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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