I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize