I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
