Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
