i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
