Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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