I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
