i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he thought i was a dude.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
