i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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