Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
