No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
