Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize