If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
