I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have post one night stand depression
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