Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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