dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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