He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
