No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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