Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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