She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
