It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
