I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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