You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
