we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
