Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
