Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
