like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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