she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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