Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
