i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
