im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We need to get me chipped asap
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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