Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize