so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
