True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
