He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
