We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize