Why are handjobs necessary in class?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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