Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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