she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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