I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
