Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize