please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
