I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
