I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
