dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
