Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
