She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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