Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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