Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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