I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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