I want to make a zoo with you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
