We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
