Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
