forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
