I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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