Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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