i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
