i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
