Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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