apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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